I feel led to discuss how this blog got started. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be an author. I have always loved to read and write but I never had the confidence to truly pursue becoming an author professionally. I spent many summer days in the library and at Borders reading as many books that open hours would allow. I guess you can say that I am a bit of a bibliophile. Most people don’t know that when my friends were collecting magazines, marbles, sports cards, and shoes–I was collecting books. I have majority of the books I have read since I was 6 years old in boxes back home because I wish to one day have a library in my house. Even with this interest, the idea of writing my own book seemed too far out of my range so I decided to simply blog. I thought that then maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about being criticized about not always being grammatically correct or have to deal with the pressures that go along with entrepreneurship.
This past September I was on my way to class and as I stood waiting for the elevator I looked at a mirror in the hallway. I had two thoughts. The first was, “If you want to be an author why haven’t you consulted the Lord to see if that is something He too wishes that you pursue?” And the second, “What is in your way? What is the barrier between wanting to be an author and actually being an author?” As you have probably guessed, I did not have an answer for either of these questions. I did, however, know that it was foolish to not have consulted the Lord. And now that I think about it, THAT was in my way. I was in my own way. It would be giving the enemy too much credit to accuse him of creating a gap in the plans of God. Satan wasn’t holding me back. So who could I point the finger at? Myself. Not because I wasn’t an author writing the book I always dreamed of. But because I was still in the mindset of being stripped and stolen from when the Lord has given me a report of prosperity and progression.
A week later I was where I like to call my second home. I was awake in my room past midnight unable to sleep. I started wondering, “Why do I always feel like I have so much to say and share but yet feel like I never have enough opportunities to do so?” I began having a conversation with God and in summary, this is how it went.
Me: God, I would love to be an author.
God: You have not because you ask not (James 4:2).
Me: But God, I am not sure if I will be a successful author. I just don’t know which career to pursue anymore.
God: But I said I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
Me: Ok…But God I am not that strong of a writer. I am not always grammatically correct. I don’t have a super large vocabulary. And… And… And… God what if no one likes it?
God: You are everything that I say that you are. You will never be a good at anything without My help (Except sinning of course). Have no fear. I will give you everything you will need to complete the task (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Me: God, some of the things you are putting on my heart to share are things I don’t really care to mention. I wanted to forget about past sins. What if people look at me differently?
God: It isn’t about you. It is about Me and My business. Seek My Kingdom and I will handle the rest (Matthew 6:33).
Me: Say no more.
* I started up my computer and created an account with WordPress. I began writing my first post Claim Adoption Into the Royal Family and never looked back. I absolutely love writing articles for this blog. When I first got saved every chance I got I ran somewhere to get alone so that I could pray or read the Bible. Now, when I get free time academically or socially I run to work on a new article.*
How special it is to experience being sculpted by the Lord. Similar to what is explained in my post Where’s My Shell?, God is revealing to me the individual He has planned for me to become. I am not the person I thought I once was and I no longer want to be that person neither. The poisonous mindset of the world had me conditioned to being content with being nothing more than a beautiful whore. A whore in the physical or a whore in the spiritual, if not both. As I am constantly being purged and molded, of course I still face obstacles and struggles daily. One day I asked God, “How can I spread the Gospel when I am still struggling with imperfection?” I was worried about my sins weakening my testimony. But hey, before I was saved was I not out collecting testimonies for times like these after redemption? Again, it isn’t about me. It is all about our Father’s business. I am going through trials and tribulations because my brother and sister in Christ are struggling. Even if the struggle isn’t exactly the same, even if the struggle isn’t at the same time, and even if the person doesn’t want to admit the struggle. My struggle fighting temptation with smoking may be different from your struggle against gambling but are we not fighting the same fight?
Some may even question why God is slowly removing the pieces of the old man. Because not only would I probably go insane if He was to snatch everything at once but personally, it is helping me appreciate deliverance even more. Don’t get me wrong, God can do whatever He wants and it will be done decently and in order each time. However, He certainly knows how to deal with His children in a way that will be most effective for them. I work each day to beat down my flesh so that can I serve and worship God in Spirit and in Truth (John 4:24). And that, I believe He appreciates. Yes, I have days when I fight harder than others. Yes, sometimes I become discouraged when I see my flesh wanting to work in cahoots with the devil. Yes, I am imperfect and I have a laundry list of sins I have committed. Yes, I still experience shame associated with some of those sins. Yes, I sometimes see specks of my old man pop up. But yes on that same note, with the discernment and power of God I have the ability to recognize and demand everything that is not like Christ to go. And yes, even in moments when I feel in distress I understand that this is all a part of the process and beauty of being sculpted by the Potter’s hand.
2 Corinthians 4:7-12 (NIV): ” 7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
2 Corinthians 16:18 (NIV): ” 16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
Isaiah 64:8 (NIV): “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, You are the potter; we are all the work of Your hand.”
Job 10:8-12 (NIV): ” 8 “Your hands shaped me and made me. Will You now turn and destroy me? 9 Remember that You molded me like clay. Will You now turn me to dust again? 10 Did You not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, 11 clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? 12 You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit.”
Jeremiah 18:4-6 (NIV):“ 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. 5 Then the word of the LORD came to me. 6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in My hand, Israel.”
Jeremiah 18:1-9 (NIV)
At the Potter’s House
1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
5 Then the word of the LORD came to me. 6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel. 7 If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, 8 and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned. 9 And if at another time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be built up and planted, 10 and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it.
So yes, I am currently blogging as an author in training. Even if I have to recreate English as I go. I will save the precise and academically acceptable writing for school. I am at an exciting and greatly appreciated place in the Lord. I have experienced some STORMS within the past year but let me tell you… I now see only a portion of the peace God is helping me fight for. I am at a place where I feel like I actually have something to look back at. When I first came to the Lord and was going through the battle of Satan saying, “Oh no. You aren’t taking this one,” and God saying, “Oh yes I am, watch Me!” I often felt as if I couldn’t have any faith or hope because I hadn’t yet reached the end of ANY tunnel. How silly of me. I had ignored the gift of the Holy Spirit drawing me nigh as being just ONE reason that I may have hope. I was certainly a day better after I got saved than I was the day before and yes, I believe that is something worth holding on to. I am sure some of you know what I am talking about. It can make one feel discouraged trying to pull one’s feet out of miry muck that has simmered and hardened for years. But once your feet are placed on solid ground, regardless of how strong the winds are or how heavy the rain drops can be–you can look back and rejoice about where you are no longer. When I am in the rain the Lord gives me a raincoat. There has even been times when He has stood next to me holding an umbrella. And when it was time for me to really begin growing up, He gave me a suitcase with an umbrella, lamp, and raincoat dipped in the sweet scent of His word.
I feel heavy when my clay is damp but I am always refreshed when the Lord dries me in His furnace. I feel uncomfortable when the Lord reaches for the scalpel and naked when He begins carving but I ALWAYS love the new designs He gives me. Such a beautiful and clever architect He is. Shape me–Mold me–Fill me–Use me, oh Lord. Please make me an instrument that You can use. May your Hand remove the debris around and inside of this piece of clay and replace those areas with glory and righteousness. Amen.